Metal Harmony had surgery. And then had more.

Pic from just a few months ago

When I think of my dog, Metal, the above pic - that's the face I picture. Ears up, inquisitive and charming. It's not the face I've been seeing today. I'm just gonna type about it, and if you wanna read then hit the jump I suppose?


Metal Harmony went for a routine veterinarian visit, and once again I inquired about the soreness and sensitivity her mouth has been having. It started, I say 2 years ago but some say closer to a year, year and a half. It's been getting worst, and I've been getting more worried. The issues with her mouth have caused her to lose interest in playing and exercise, which had her put on 20 or so pounds. She also stopped eating her full meals. I started to soak her food in water, to help make it softer. More easily eaten.

So at this vet visit, as stated I asked about it again. She's been on a few antibiotics, the belief was she had a gum or tooth infection basically. She probably would have to have a tooth or two extracted, but no need to rush to that. She might not need it. That was the usual spiel, but this time with a little extra urging and worry conveyed to the vet, a doctor I've known since I was practically a kid and had taken care of three dogs in my lifetime, and was usually very on top of things finally took to the chance to examine her mouth.

She snarled at him, which isn't normal for her. He decided it was that sensitive the teeth had to be removed, which meant surgery. There was just one little extra bit. Sometimes the symptoms she had could be a cancer. They took some blood, did some tests. I'm skipping a bit here because it really upsets me how the vet reacted, but eventually we got an appointment in the same practice with the dental surgeon.

Two teeth were extracted, and a tumor on her left lower lip was found. Squamous cell carcinoma. She had cancer. We had to go to New Jersey, they have an animal hospital there. We went Friday, consultation styled thing. They took biopsies, Metal was a good girl through out the ordeal. To my surprise they scheduled the surgery for Saturday, that being yesterday (Well it's 2am Monday for me, so technically 2 days ago.) 7:30 am.

There was a complication, or rather a few. Metal's cancer did indeed spread, despite the few tests that did come back showing no spread. Clearly it just didn't spread to those areas (which is actually very good.) But it did spread to her jaw. They had to remove a section of bone, and she ended up losing a lot of blood. She's 11 years old, almost 12. It's very difficult for surgeries when a dog is that old.

She had to stay over night, intensive care - which I didn't even know animal hospitals had. I should have known, I just never put 2 and 2 together. I wasn't so upset at first. I mean, I was. I was worried, scared, the whole deal. But I was occupied and I was completely aware she was in good hands, that she was at the animal hospital - but then at dinner, I took for granted that she wasn't home.

I looked down when pulling my chair away, not wanting to hit her with my or the chair's leg. She usually lays right under me at the dinner table. She wasn't there of course. I ended up crying for like half an hour. Okay, maybe forty minutes. Not straight, but on and off. It got difficult.

The night before she went for this surgery, she was under my chair during dinner as usual, and afterwards I wanted to get a picture of her. I knew she was going to come off the surgery looking different.

I tried to get a picture, but she kept wanting to get petted. She wanted some loving, so I thought I could do both. She's surprisingly charismatic, yet totally camera shy. Kept panig her head away - she's never liked the camera, or the phone camera, and there's not even a flash going off. It's a weird attention, so I don't have a lot of upfront pics of her. I selfishly wanted more, and she just wanted comfort.

I gave up after she laid on my leg. She wanted a belly rub. She was being unusually mushy that night. She wasn't hopped up from the previous surgery, the tooth extraction, still. She was practically her usual self by then, but was really - really mushy. I teased her over her little "bracelet" (where, during the dental surgery they shaved her arm, you can see it in both the above pics, to place the IV.) She showed her usual self for a moment.

Her usual self, when it comes to teasing, is a half hearted bearing of the teeth. Usually followed by a snort or a sneeze, and then requests for a belly rub. Sometimes, as she did that night, she ups the anty by swatting at me with her paw. So I swat back, playfully, and she moves very closely like she's going to bite my hand. It's the sweetest thing - she barely taps her front teeth against my finger, and that's a "bite." She doesn't even close her mouth. Just *tap* got ya last~

She still gets her belly rub of course. I sat there for 20 minutes on the floor next to my dining room table petting her belly. This is actually not uncommon, though it's usually the living room (and on more rare occasions the kitchen by the sink.) I was being really careful of her face, since it was still sore. I worried about the upcoming surgery, and maybe that's why she was being mooshy and luvable.

Today (or rather Sunday, 2:03 am Monday morning after all~) was surprised to hear that after all the worries from the surgeries, that she can come home. I had no idea what to expect. She wasn't supposed to come home yet. Then again after the dental surgery, she was meant to stay all night because of the anesthesia used. She didn't. She woke up and was trying to escape and crying, and they called up and Metal came home that night. She was totally wonky and out of it, and could barely walk. She ended up though forcing herself, despite my attempt to stop her, out into the yard to go to the bathroom in her usual place (she's very picky about how and where she does things, and this doesn't mean where she goes to the bathroom, she won't eat or drink unless it's in an exact spot in the dining room too.) She also forced herself to go upstairs to sleep in her usual spot.

So she's home. And sneezing blood, and drooling blood and pretty much covered in bloody mucusy spit and drool. Discharge. She's gonna have a lot of it. She's all swollen, her snout shape - the silhouette, is almost like a bull terrier now she's so swollen. And of course part of her face is missing.

She doesn't look nearly as curious anymore. But I can understand that. She's still terribly out of it. Probably scarred. Has no clue what's going on. Having some difficulty breathing. It's gotta be hell. That pic was taken in the afternoon. She, again, managed to walk out and down the back steps into the yard, to go to the bathroom.

The first time, after the dental surgery, she didn't make it all the way to the back. Her preferred spot is all the way near the fence, and she nearly made it there. Only came short a foot or so. This time she got all the way there. Small victories as they say.

I just feel so bad for her. This pic is much later. She had refused to eat, and wasn't sleeping. Her jaw was really starting to swell up again. Now we were told if she doesn't eat tonight, that's not terrible. The medication, some of the side effects cause a lose of appetite. Plus a chunk of her face is missing, which given how much is swollen is really hard to see in that pic's angle.

I took to cupping my hand in water, to hold some in my hand, and using that method to coax her into drinking. Her tongue was so dry. She got to drink enough at least. My hand was bloodied from the discharge. It's not like full on bleeding. It's, well you can see in that last pic there's a spot on her lip that's got a bit of a sore on it. Her nasal passages are filled with blood, sometimes when she hacks and coughs and sneezes (which was told is normal given the surgery) blood bubbles or sprays out. It's mostly just mucus and drool with some blood giving it the colour. Still... It's worrying.

Some people who have seen her pic thought she looked unrecognizable. To be honest, I know I said it's not the face I think of, but I still see her face there. Her eyes aren't as chipper, yeah they're drugged out and in pain. But when I go to pet her ears, she still gives me the same look she used to. When I pet her belly, she still reacts the same. She's still my Metsybetsy, my Metsacana, my Fetzy, my (insert any one of the gabillion nicknames this dog has here, and then some).

She might need chemo. She might need more surgeries. She might be cancer free. I don't know. It's gonna be a road either way. An expensive road, oh-my-gawd is it an expensive road, the estimate we were given for this surgery ended up being just about half the price in the end (what with the intensive care and all that,) but really ya can't put a price on man's best friend. All that money, a chunk of her face, the cost of cleaning supplies to get blood off everything? If it means she's not in pain it's totally worth it. If she can adapt, even at the age of 11 nearly 12, so long as there's a chance at a happy painless year or two, or maybe another 12~ (hey wish big right?,) then it's worth all of it.

Yeah, it's not the face I think of. It's not the face I'm used to. But if she heals, and if she gets well enough - this new lopsided luck-face of a face, will become normal. It'll mean she's back, and here to stay. And it'll become the new mental image. I'm okay with that. Fuck it, I'm hoping for that.